I can't help but complain, lol. I am actually excited for getting in the program and starting my new routine bakhair. It will be a new learning experience and I am looking forward to it. The one big hole is living like a single parent. My partner isn't here and I feel his absence in my life, some days more than other days. But, I am honestly grateful; for getting in the program, for having my family to support me, for a good paying job for him and my little princess who makes me smile all the time. I am grateful to God for all his blessings. Of course, I feel as though I am being punished by the consequences of my sins and poor choices and I wonder if I will be punished for them after life too. It will be a double jeopordy case, being tried twice for the same crime :). God is great!
I am learning more and more to be in control and in charge of my emotions. I shouldn't fall in the rut hole again.
I am a bit tired of hectic life here though. Life is much simpler and easier in Afghanistan. Not crazy pile of bills, paperwork and shit to keep track of. Your life isn't packed with endless list of errands and obligations and you don't run out of time everyday to do what you want to do. It is brutal in the US. You are always in a race against time, you have to choose between what you want to and what you have to do, and always making sacrifices. I have to make money, so I work lousy hours and don't get to see my daughter enough. On my off days, I have a never ending list of things to do, so I barely can give her some attention. Forget about what I want to do for fun. Going to the gym, reading a quality book, watching a movie or my favorite show, going for walks and visiting new places around the city are on my wish list that don't make it to my to do list or Done list. Crazyyyyyy!
I am trying not to focus on the negatives of lifestyle here. Instead, trying to make all the little changes possible to enjoy life. Trying to take work less seriously, and just go with the flow. I am also investing more of my time in exploring my unexamined life. I am exlporing what I want, what I like, what pleases me and what turns me off. It is helping me back off of my husband's back and stop playing the victim. I like it so far :)

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