Still in a dark place in my life. I feel as if I should have gotten used to it all by now :(( I am just trying not to think about anything major, not to draw conclusions, not to make any decisions, not to look for answers or explanations, not to accuse anyone of anything, not to evaluate actions and plans, not to make promises and commitments, not to give negative emotions much importance, not to ask questions, not to look back or ahead. But how easy is it? How can you close your eyes, mind and heart while still alive? But I have to do it no matter what or it won't be pretty. When I do get in the mix of what and why and how, I even forget to breathe. My body curls in a knot position, legs crossed, shoulder pressed and elevated, breath held, forehead in a frown, stomach pushed back tight, with a face full of mixed emotions and mind lost . I lose my ability to focus on present, study, show love to those who deserve it, and such. Hell, I forget to breathe let alone anything else. T