So long...

I haven't made an entry in so long in spite of my dramatic life. Well, since it was turning into those daily soap opras, I couldn't bear to talk about it. It is embarrassing to have that kind of life. It is scary when your worst fears come true, you have a rocky relationship, you are told you are exactly like your mother (and you kinda see the similarities too), your child start rebelling at much younger age than expected, you get dumped upon a ton of unwanted responsibilities,  you lose your cool in the midst of all this and etc. Obviously I have been struggling with this for the past couple years of my life at least. Striking a balance between your roles, your obligations and expectations is the hardest thing. I am sure I am not alone. I know a lot of people, if not everyone, is struggling with creating a balance. It is easier for those who don't have many roles, not involved in various relationships and projects in life. If you have a job, financial stability (not necessarily rich), not many family obligations and such, then you are good. If your life is more diverse and enriched by loved ones and roles and obligations, then it is much harder to satisfy all those expectations and obligations. Obligations are what you need to fulfill as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a woman, a student, etc. Expectations are the standards that you (and often also others) set for yourself (you). Of course there will be conflict between what you have to do and what  you should do and what you can do. This conflict gives rise to stress and stress hinders your capabilities and potentials when not managed properly. And I have hard time managing this stress. It is more like a cycle for me, which starts at a well balanced point and over time I get stressed and strained due to compilation of obligations and expectations and there comes a breaking point. After a short and intense chaos, I pick up the pieces and go on again and start the cycle. It sounds good to move on, but honestly it gets boring and frustrating after a while. Something gotta give, something must change...