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I have mixed feelings. There are times when I feel alive, happy and in charge. Then there are times when I am hurting, past memories, happy times and sad times and the "could have been" possibilities really make my heart heavy. I have this empty feeling in my stomach all the time. This fight should be different. I am not going to run away from my emotions, mask them off or be oblivious to what is happening. I have every intention to use this fight and this pain to grow up and get a more realistic and assertive grasp on life. Pains of life so far have weakened me. This pain should be different. I will learn from this, I will grow with it and  not just get through it.

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