This is life

I used to be an energetic, funny, adventurous and bold person in my teen and early 20s. I hear my own stories of boldness and courage from my family and friends which I can't remember at all. It is like my mind has suppressed them so far in my memories that I can't retrieve them. They keep asking me what happened and why I changed in the opposite direction. For a long time, I didn't have an answer for them. I think I have an idea of what caused a negative change in my approach to life; that is depression and a horrible and failed marriage. When you struggle on a daily basis to stay focused and motivated to do the basic functions of life, it drains you. When you give up yourself to fit into someone else's ideal image, you depart from your values and desires. And when all your efforts fail, and you are left with a broken heart and broken goals, your soul is scarred and your hope and energy are drained. What will keep you going? I know life isn't easy, but I probably don't have the highest conviction to maintain my originally high motivation after failed struggles. Maybe I am being too harsh in wording my feelings and understanding of life at the moment. It doesn't matter. I just need to do my best to stay focused and set up an average life for  myself and my daughter with security (financial and emotional) and stability as the main pillars. One way to achieve this is to keep my life simple as much as possible. No big dreams, no high goals (except in moral), no risk taking, no expectations of any kind from life.

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