From Afghanistan to America, crossroads of life

I have been very restless lately. And that is when I reflect often and analyze or over analyze my life.  I attended the very last  nursing class on 12/13/12 and drove home crying. That was one day that I was looking forward to for the past 3 years, along with my husband. That day came but my husband wasn't there by my side. The divorce changed my life for ever. Yet another life changing turn of events. As a kid, I survived poverty, war, persecution, immigration and countless family down falls. Then as I was reaching my goal and dream of having a college degree, I was diagnosed with depression. Breaking my arrange engagement, suicide attempt and "falling in love" with someone each changed  my life to a certain degree and to a different direction. Then marriage and having a baby brought struggle and joy. Then in an effort to make our lives better, I went back to school (nursing) and endured the changes that came along. Failing marriage worsened my depression and undermined...

I used to be an energetic, funny, adventurous and bold person in my teen and early 20s. I hear my own stories of boldness and courage from my family and friends which I can't remember at all. It is like my mind has suppressed them so far in my memories that I can't retrieve them. They keep asking me what happened and why I changed in the opposite direction. For a long time, I didn't have an answer for them. I think I have an idea of what caused a negative change in my approach to life; that is depression and a horrible and failed marriage. When you struggle on a daily basis to stay focused and motivated to do the basic functions of life, it drains you. When you give up yourself to fit into someone else's ideal image, you depart from your values and desires. And when all your efforts fail, and you are left with a broken heart and broken goals, your soul is scarred and your hope and energy are drained. What will keep you going? I know life isn't easy, but I probably d...

Almost done with nursing school and starting to prepare for NCLEX. Still have a lot to do personally and emotionally to get where I want to be. It is not an easy road but no easy road will lead to somewhere worthwhile. At this point in my life, my focus is myself and my daughter. I want to do something that I failed to implement early in my life, giving my 100% in whatever I do. That is the new approach.